I know people usually stick to 5-7-7 but I also know that's not necessarily "the right way." I think yours works best the way you have it: 4, 6, 4. Was it a conscious choice or did you just let it happen? Either way- good job.
John the traditional Japanese form is 5-7-5, based on Japanese characters. In English, counting syllables, some people stick to the traditional counting. I often do. But many English haiku are just as short as possible, with fewer syllables. I like to make it as minimal as possible while still painting the image clearly, giving the season and giving some depth of conflicting emotion if possible. Usually I need all 17 syllables to do that, but not always. The general rule is just short line, longer, short. This one turned out shorter than 17. I thought about adding a few other words to set the scene, but decided it was enough as is. Thanks for the encouragement!
Ha! I feel like an idiot. I knew 5-7-5, the last 7 was a typo- not that anyone will believe me now! Btw, I also wanted to add that because of the 5-7-5 (not 5-7-7 -sheesh) conditioning that I have, I think the 4-6-4 pattern gives the scene a sense of longing for me. As does the "one swan" and the "gliding, gliding" line. Peaceful, yet lonely at the same time. At least in my interpretation.
Thanks for another perfect pairing of poetry and photography. I think minimal is best, too. Why add extra words if they are not necessary to capture the essence of a moment?
Yes I knew it was a typo John. I am glad you got that feeling of "peaceful, yet lonely at the same time" because that is exactly what I was going for! Wistful, longing, but at the same time enjoying the beautiful evening...
I am so happy to hear that you all enjoyed this photo and haiku.
7 comments:
I know people usually stick to 5-7-7 but I also know that's not necessarily "the right way." I think yours works best the way you have it: 4, 6, 4. Was it a conscious choice or did you just let it happen? Either way- good job.
John the traditional Japanese form is 5-7-5, based on Japanese characters. In English, counting syllables, some people stick to the traditional counting. I often do. But many English haiku are just as short as possible, with fewer syllables. I like to make it as minimal as possible while still painting the image clearly, giving the season and giving some depth of conflicting emotion if possible. Usually I need all 17 syllables to do that, but not always. The general rule is just short line, longer, short. This one turned out shorter than 17. I thought about adding a few other words to set the scene, but decided it was enough as is. Thanks for the encouragement!
Ha! I feel like an idiot. I knew 5-7-5, the last 7 was a typo- not that anyone will believe me now! Btw, I also wanted to add that because of the 5-7-5 (not 5-7-7 -sheesh) conditioning that I have, I think the 4-6-4 pattern gives the scene a sense of longing for me. As does the "one swan" and the "gliding, gliding" line. Peaceful, yet lonely at the same time. At least in my interpretation.
I love the haiku. It is wistful - John is right. And I always enjoy your photography as much as your poetry.
Cloudscome,
Thanks for another perfect pairing of poetry and photography. I think minimal is best, too. Why add extra words if they are not necessary to capture the essence of a moment?
Yes I knew it was a typo John. I am glad you got that feeling of "peaceful, yet lonely at the same time" because that is exactly what I was going for! Wistful, longing, but at the same time enjoying the beautiful evening...
I am so happy to hear that you all enjoyed this photo and haiku.
Beautiful.
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