Friday, October 11, 2013

The Poetry Sisters Write Pantoums

We've been at it again. My poetry sisters have been up to hijinks once again. I've been privileged to be schooled in several poetic forms by these fabulous and talented women before, when we challenged each other to write a crown sonnet , villanelles, and rondeau redoubles. Liz got us going this time by challenging us to write pantoums sparked by the line "I've got better things to do than survive," from Ani DiFranco's song "Swandive." Several years ago Miss Rumphius's Monday Poetry Stretch taught us the form and I tried it out here. I really struggled with this one, editing and fussing over it right up to today's publication time. I am not done tweaking I am afraid, but we agreed to go public so here I am,  jumping into free fall. Please go read the others at Laura's Friday Poetry roundup post, and share some love with the kidlitosphere's weekly poetry celebration.

doll bin.JPG


Moth Sisters

"I've got better things to do than survive"
she flung over her shoulder on the way out.
The crash of her door a shattering cry
supplanting my lamp with a far distant star.

Gusting over her shoulder on the way out,
her tresses diffused a cool honey shine,
supplanting my lamp with a far distant star
(silk spun for protection hides hooks on the end).

Her tresses diffusing her cool honey shine,
a cocoon once jostled begins to emerge.
Silk spun for protection hides hooks on the end.
And me alone with my dolls in a muddle;

a cocoon once jostled begins to emerge,
from crumpled wings expanded she flutters away.
And me alone with my dolls in a muddle.
She believes she's outgrown what once kept her whole,

from crumpled wings expanded she flutters away.
The crash of her door a shattering cry
She believes she's outgrown what once kept her whole -
"I've got better things to do than simply survive!"


Andromeda Jazmon

 

10 comments:

tanita♥davis said...

Supplanting my lamp with a distant star

- ouch.

You have such a way with putting a wail into words. I struggle with this form, because I am really tied into pentameter and so I have to reread a lot out loud, but where I stumble with the rhythm you fill in with emotion.

Joy said...

Good use of the form. Well done. Thank you for sharing.

Tricia said...

My heart hurts every time I read the line "She believes she's outgrown what once kept her whole."

And Tanita's correct in highlighting how much emotion you pack in these lines.

I'm still thinking about Rattling Around An Empty House as well.

Thanks for sharing!

Andromeda Jazmon Sibley said...

Thanks Trisha - I am still working on that other one. It's kinda rough around the edges; a bit too much...

liz-scanlon said...

Andi... This is just so so moving and I like Tanita's phrase -- "You have such a way with putting a wail into words." Wow. Do you ever...
Thanks for jumping in again. I'm so glad we did it....

Mary Lee said...

I don't have any sisters, but I can feel the pain of abandonment in this. Well done!

laurasalas said...

Oh, oh, oh. This is even better after coming back to it a couple of weeks later. My sisters are 5,7, and 9 years older than me, and I felt so alone and abandoned as they all left home. Different circumstances and attitudes, but the emotions--exactly. I especially love the silk spun for protection hiding the hooks--we all have them. And the idea that we feel like a puny lamp when someone else outshines us. Beautiful, Andi!

Jeannine Atkins said...

I love the way you've connected sisters with silk, moths, and cocoons, and yes, the hook other mentioned. Raw and yet not, that beauty.

Michelle Heidenrich Barnes said...

May I always write with such impact when I'm "jumping into free fall"! "And me alone with my dolls in a muddle" is heartwrenching.

Ruth said...

Amazing to see all that the line inspired!