tiny heads and arms
each to each little toy man -
then they're off again
- Andromeda Jazmon
Friday, April 15, 2011
Haibun #15
Puck dumped out his backpack onto the living room rug. There we were, putting the heads and arms back on Lego men. It's a rather quiet, focused activity, and a welcome contrast to the rest of the time when he was spinning in circles, laughing like a madman, taunting his brother, spilling crumbs all over the floor, or jumping up and down. Do you wonder why I call him Puck?
tiny heads and arms
each to each little toy man -
then they're off again
- Andromeda Jazmon
tiny heads and arms
each to each little toy man -
then they're off again
- Andromeda Jazmon
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6 comments:
Love the poetential double meaning of that last line to capture boy exuberance: "and they're off again." Wonderful portrait, too!
Ah, the moment of quiet sounds blissful, anyway.
I think children are created from lightning bolts and springs and possibly rubber bands. "And they're off!" seems to be the natural state of them.
That's the most gorgeous portrait! It really captures the imp quality. I'm inspired to write daily haibun now! Your last haiku line is perfect, pointing the reader forward into some new imagined activity.
Thank you for these comments. I wasn't feeling that this haiku was really strong because I didn't manage to really capture two strong contrasting images. But maybe it reads better than I thought at first. I really appreciate you all letting me know what strikes you best!
Oh my what a beautiful boy! I mean little man...which is the contrast you were worried about, I think.
I do not wonder why you call him Puck! Your haiku is just fine, but the real poetry is in that portrait. It says so MUCH with just that corner of face, smirk of mouth, glance of eye. WOW.
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