Friday, July 18, 2008

thrown stone


one smooth round stone
a rubbed bone long
gone thrown right quick
last light's trick sharp
air licks the dust
breaks the crust cracks
old rust all's flown
.................-Andromeda Jazmon

I wrote this little poem this week in response to Trisha's Poetry Stretch.
Climbing Rhyme is a form of Burmese poetry containing a repeated sequence of 3 internally-rhymed lines consisting of 4 syllables each. Since Burmese is monosyllabic, this works well, but in English this might be difficult. Instead of 4 syllable lines, let's try writing in lines of 4 words. (If you're feeling brave, go ahead and try four syllables!)

The rhyme scheme for climbing rhyme is internal. That means the position of the rhyming word changes. The rhyme appears in the 4th word of line one, 3rd word of line 2, and 2nd word of line 3. The pattern continues as a new rhyme appears in the 4th word of line 3, the 3rd word of line 4, and the 2nd word of line 5. This continues on, giving a stair-step feel to the poem, hence the name climbing rhyme.

It seemed impossible at first. I started thinking about children's jump rope rhymes and counting rhymes. Then the image of the way my boys love to throw stones and how they crack the air on a slow summer afternoon starting rolling around my brain. That it's a circular, climbing rhyme seems to fit.

The Friday Poetry Roundup is over at Writing and Ruminating. Enjoy your weekend!


TadMack said...

Nice one! It reads simply, and looks simple, yet it's actually very complex to write.

Sara said...

Wow, that's fun to read aloud! I like how the one smooth stone image goes so well with the one syllable word form. The rhyme bouncing around is like that stone, up and down. Very nice pairing of form to subject matter.

Are you submitting any of your work? With your photos?

Cloudscome said...

Ah, thanks for asking Sara. I keep telling myself I should be but I am stuck thinking I don't have time to look for places to submit. Lame, I know. I'll work on it, 'K?

Michelle Johnson said...

Cloudscome, this is great. I love the way your lines fell together. Immediately taken back to childhood. Nice job. Have a nice day.

Michelle Johnson said...

Ooh, and thanks for stopping by my blog. I always enjoy new visitors.

Mme T said...

Yes, expertly done. Sara's observations are spot on. The only line that doesn't work for me is the final one as I don't think of rust and stone together.

Tricia said...

We must be on the same wavelength. I wrote all kinds of poems this week about what I'll be doing on vacation. One was skipping stones. That's the poem I shared!

I love the way yours twists and turns. I can see how these can go on and on. I'm definitely going to try this form again.

Cloudscome said...

mme t I was thinking of the way a stone hits an old rusty sign and cracks of flakes of rust. I can hear the thunk just typing about it. Not that I've ever thrown rocks at signs on a country road or near abandoned buildings... Of course not.

writer2b said...

I don't really have anything to add to what others have observed, but well done! A complex task made to appear simple.

caro said...

I just found you through Emmie, and ooh, what an interesting form for a poem. I'm going to try it, and I'll be back here, too.

Elaine Magliaro said...


Well done! I haven't attempted many of Tricia's poetry stretches in recent weeks. My muses have left for the summer. I don't know how you keep up your poetry-writing pace.