Friday, August 17, 2007

August 17 Haiku

swan 3.JPG

one swan alone
on this summer evening -
gliding, gliding

7 comments:

John Mutford said...

I know people usually stick to 5-7-7 but I also know that's not necessarily "the right way." I think yours works best the way you have it: 4, 6, 4. Was it a conscious choice or did you just let it happen? Either way- good job.

cloudscome said...

John the traditional Japanese form is 5-7-5, based on Japanese characters. In English, counting syllables, some people stick to the traditional counting. I often do. But many English haiku are just as short as possible, with fewer syllables. I like to make it as minimal as possible while still painting the image clearly, giving the season and giving some depth of conflicting emotion if possible. Usually I need all 17 syllables to do that, but not always. The general rule is just short line, longer, short. This one turned out shorter than 17. I thought about adding a few other words to set the scene, but decided it was enough as is. Thanks for the encouragement!

John Mutford said...

Ha! I feel like an idiot. I knew 5-7-5, the last 7 was a typo- not that anyone will believe me now! Btw, I also wanted to add that because of the 5-7-5 (not 5-7-7 -sheesh) conditioning that I have, I think the 4-6-4 pattern gives the scene a sense of longing for me. As does the "one swan" and the "gliding, gliding" line. Peaceful, yet lonely at the same time. At least in my interpretation.

eisha said...

I love the haiku. It is wistful - John is right. And I always enjoy your photography as much as your poetry.

Elaine Magliaro said...

Cloudscome,

Thanks for another perfect pairing of poetry and photography. I think minimal is best, too. Why add extra words if they are not necessary to capture the essence of a moment?

cloudscome said...

Yes I knew it was a typo John. I am glad you got that feeling of "peaceful, yet lonely at the same time" because that is exactly what I was going for! Wistful, longing, but at the same time enjoying the beautiful evening...

I am so happy to hear that you all enjoyed this photo and haiku.

HipWriterMama said...

Beautiful.