My heart is so full of happiness today. Having all three of my boys here with me is so delightful. This is what the first half of our day was filled with:
- giving each other presents
- listening to our new music
- eating my favorite Christmas breakfast of ham & eggs & home fries & coffee cake & Clementine's & dark chocolate & coffee
- holding Buddy Boy on my lap to give him his first guitar lesson; naming all the parts
- listening to him explore loud, soft, fast, slow strumming & picking the strings
- watching Buster play with his brothers on the floor, and then pull off a bit to read his new books and the local paper
- feeding Punkin one treat after another and hearing him say "let's eat something" and "mmm mmm good"
- baking more pecan tossies for dinner over at my parents' this evening
- wrapping a few more presents for the family we will see there
- naps for everyone
Every year I have to share this day with Buster's dad and his family. Sometimes I have Christmas Eve and am without him on Christmas day, other years it is the other way around. This year Buster was with dad all day on Saturday and spent Sunday and Christmas day with us. He will go over to dad's tonight, and probably spend several days with them next week. It is always very lonely for me when he is gone. I try to be nice about it because I know he needs to spend time with dad, but I always get depressed when he leaves on Christmas. This year I feel I have a double wealth of time with him... home from college and here with us on this special day. Seeing him laughing and playing with his brothers fills me with joy. The gifts we gave each other this year were simple. We are both trying not to spend money with so many tuitions due. He got me a bunch of New Orleans things: college tee shirt, baseball hat, mom coffee mug, and a book of short stories by New Orleansian writers. Also some cooking things (spices) so I can cook some red beans and jambalaya. And good dark chocolate, of course!
There is a part of sadness in this day, too. I am thinking about Buddy's and Punkin's first families, and wondering if they are thinking of us. I haven't ever heard a word back from any of them from my updates so I don't know if they are feeling sad, missing their boys, or just numb. I want to send them the pictures of these darling faces and share the day with them, but I don't know if it would just give them a pain they would rather not be reminded of today. We are thinking of them. Buddy asked me where his dad was (again) just the other day. He started telling Grammy about his first mom a few days ago too. In one part of my mind I think it might be possible that they would have found this blog and would come here looking to see how it was with us today. I think that possibility is slim, but you never know.
I just wish you could see the joy here, and know we also miss you.
tags: Christmas adoption mothering